Zachs Life story (First-Draft)

W.A.L.T Write A Narrative.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when….

• The title is suitable for the text.

• The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
• The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
• The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
• Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.

I am really proud of this because how many ideas there is in my story. It was a video I watched and I had to write about it here is the link to the video-It’s not a Planet, it’s

our home.

Zach's life story

(First-Draft)

(In Red Is My Improvements)

1961 was the time that I was a young beautiful Chimpanzee. I

t was the best time to be alive  in earth, or so I was told. I could hear mumbling while I was uncomfortably lying on a surgen table. I was used as a test subject my whole life. I was just playing in my room when my trainer Jake gave me food, I was confused that he was giving me food before lunch time. I didn’t care because I was already hungry so I ate it, the last thing I remembered was feeling dizzy and falling asleep while Jake was caring me to his job. I was feeling quiet disappointed because I was being used. Being a chimp is really cruel. I remembered when I first saw Jake, he was looking at me with his diamond blue eyes while talking to the zoo keeper. That day I felt loved for the first time. Yes I’m a chimp, an intelligent, funny looking, 3 year old chimp. Don’t ask. Now I’m stuck to a table, about to wear a astronaut suit and get sent into space alone and confused. I was meant to wake up five minutes ago but I wanted them to think I was dead. It didn’t work at all. They had a needle, my weakness. I started to open my eyes and look everywhere. I was knocked out with a metal bar.

I was starting to feel betrayed by Jake, he used me as a toy for money. I woke up in a chair, tied up with a seatbelt and in a spaceship. I wish this was a human instead of me. My heart was beating like I had just woken up from an endless nightmare alone. This is the end of my life. I felt like a toy that a baby left in a daycare alone and forgotten. I knew what they wanted from me, they wanted to see how a monkey would age in space. I was snapped out of my thoughts by loud screams of people saying things like ‘Will this chimp survive’ and ‘ This is one unlucky chimp we have’.”5, 4,  3, 2, 1 Blast off!”. I was meant to stay in space for 5 years, But for all I know is i’m going to be staying in space for approximately 65 years. Yeah i’m pretty smart for a chimp. I heard a voice through the crackling radio. I was rumbling side to side, my chair was rocking uncontrollably while I was sweating like no tomorrow. “Say goodbye to earth Zach and say hello to space.” I heard a familiar voice from the radio, Jake!  The last thing I had of home was a photo of me and Jake. I remember that Jack had injected something into me, I think it was sleeping serum. The last thing I remember is flying to the earth’s atmosphere and falling into a endless coma of black ...

65 Years later…

I woke up from my endless death like coma to a beeping noise around me, Where am I, why am I here. I had a blank moment of where I was, Then I remembered that I was in space.I looked at the years, months, days, hours and minutes i had stayed here in space.  It's now 2026 I thought I was meant to stay here in this hellhole capsule for 5 years… this is what I get for being in a coma. At Least I was right on being in a coma for 65 years. I looked into the control panel and looked at a terrifying figure that I assumed was me What happened to me!? Why do i look so old? I had a grey wispy moustache, a grey stubble, some wrinkles near my head and nose and I also had weak bones so I couldn’t move at all, apart from my hands.

I looked at the control panel again and pressed the communication button...... nothing. I was stuck in space forever. This is how I wanted to die, In space. I was slowly floating in my space capsule around a moon like planet when a bright light flashed before me. It was a beautiful sight to look at. I realised it was the milky way when I saw a wave of blue, magenta, purple, pink, navy blue, white and baby blue. I was starstruck….. Then it hit me, I could die here alone with no family.  I didn’t want to shed a tear it was forbidden now , I was very good with hiding my emotions. There was another bright light that was burning my eyelids while I was looking at the stars. The light had gone and before me was my home….. Earth! I looked at the Earth and all it's glory. I could see the thickness of the Earth's atmosphere. I calculated if i could make it with the amount of fuel.. I could make it but it would be a rough landing. I was ready for anything and it was now or never. I used up all of my  unused fuel and fell into the earth's atmosphere. I felt like I had needles slowly poking into my weak body over and over again. I was rumbling side to side which hurt me alot, but I didn’t mind. I could see the parachutes flop up from their despencer for safe landing….. And boy did it hurt when landing. I looked out the window to see land….. I mentally high fived myself for the landing.

I just felt my body old and weak ouch! My back it hurts like a bee sting.   I was known as the chimp pig because you give me something and I will eat it in one second so when I got back to earth I hope that I was in China because I love their chopsuey they are a delish and they are a delight to me.   Before I got out it was like my eyes were glued to buck my mentor he was a bodybuilder he loved to feed me Chinese chopsuey I miss him.  In my head it said hopes up and then I opened the spaceship door and with a creek coming out of the door slowly I took a tiny peek I saw absolutely nothing just trees  destroyed buildings I thought that Buck would be their but he wasn’t so I was sad then I saw electricity just on and I was scared.  I got out of the spaceship and took my picture of me and buck but I was sad that no one was there and I started to tear up and cried and cried until I stopped and I ran and ran and tripped up on a Iphone six and I was like in my head what is that thing and then I looked at it properly and I said that was one of those things that destroyed the earth before I took of my shoe that I was wearing and smash the phone into tiny pieces it rang and it said buck I was using my shoe to answer but it didn’t work  so I was screaming out buck buck BUUUUCK where are you  and then the thing went off( The call was off).  I thinking in my head should I take the thing with me or I shouldn't it kept annoying me in my head then I had my choice I took the phone and saw the game pokemon go and I started to play it and when I was playing it it lead me to Buck my mentor but when I looked at him I said you look different the only thing that was there is nothing just dirt.

Jaxon	Punctuation	Vocabulary
Self	R3	R4
Teacher	R3	R4
Peer	R3	R4